Provoked #3

[J۝sЧŠMiŦĦ]

Joshua Smith
English II
9/14/2008
#3

If someone punched you would you want to be able to fight back? If someone cursed at you would you want to be able to beat them up? It is not fair for helpless little kids to be beaten up without revenge.
A study has been shown that kids who have constantly been picked on are less successful in life and have low self-esteem. Bullies who think that it is ok to bully other people often end up being a drunken bum on the side of the road living in a box.
Kids who are provoked to the point of physical violence should not be punished severely. The provoker should be suspended from school or expelled depending on how long it was going on.
But, if the provoking goes on for a long time I think the one who is provoked should talk to the provoker or an adult. If it goes on so long that the one who is provoked does not hurt the provoker than I think it is not such a big deal and if they want them to stop then tell them or an adult.

[kristenkuhlthau]

Josh, try to make your essay longer. You would get the point across to everyone else if your essay was longer with more examples and details. You did a good job writing the paper, but I feel lost because I'm still not to sure about some of the things you wrote. For instance, you should explain more why kids have low self-esteem from being picked on their whole life. Try relating your essay more to the book and you should get a good grade. Good job.

[alvine]

Josh, i like your story overall, but i often got lost in it. i think you need to provide more details on the studdies you wrote about in your essay. if you added a quote or two (perhaps from Nineteen Minets?) it would make your post more easier to get the point across, and it would also add length. another thing that might help is if you make paragraphs, you could sepparate them with a "enter" because the tabs dont work. great job on the essay!