Zack Hoffman's rough draft

[zhoffman]

Zack Hoffman
3/1/09
Mrs. Muldoon
Period 10
Michael Phelps Wrong Action

More than 94 million Americans have tried marijuana. Out of those 94 million people you will find professional athletes in there and many celebrities. Famous athletes and celebrities who have tried marijuana include Snoop Dog, Josh Howard, Mario Chalmers, Little Wayne, Cameron Diaz, Santonio Holmes, Justin Timberlake, Michael Phelps, and many others. All of those people besides Michael Phelps can get away with it without a suspension or sanction loss. Michael Phelps should be judged like all of the rest of them.
Michael Phelps is a great athlete and arguably the best America has ever produced. He is the most winning Olympian America has ever brought to the Olympics. Michael is a professional athlete for his sport swimming just like Josh Howard is for basketball and Santonio Holmes is for football. Josh and Santonio get very miner problems for smoking weed, while Michael Phelps gets a 3 month suspension and sanction loss. Just because Michael is one of the best athletes America has ever seen, doesn’t mean he should be treated differently then other professional athletes when something like drug abuse happens.
There are reasons why U.S.A swimming and sponsorships should give him a break. Michael Phelps is still arguably a kid. He is a young adult who may still be experiencing things that are not right. He is just a kid trying to have a good time. He is the most winning Olympian, so he might have smoke marijuana to relieve stress. U.S.A swimming should cut him some slack for his mistakes, because he is only a kid.
Suspending and loosing endorsements may make Michael Phelps not want to swim competitively again. With all the stress he is going through right now he may not want to deal with it all. By suspending him for 3 months and him loosing all of his endorsements he might just retire now to save him any more pain he’s going through. It is ridiculous how much money he lost and how long U.S.A swimming is suspending him for. He is the best thing that has ever happened to swimming and he should get a break.
In conclusion Michael Phelps is one of the best athletes America has ever seen and he shouldn’t be penalized for this minor action. He could have just smoked marijuana to relieve stress; he is the greatest Olympian of all time. Although he is a role model for children, he still is going through every day life where drugs are out there. He learned from his mistake and said it would never happen again. People should trust him when he says that, and should give him a break. Michael Phelps should not be sanctioned for use of marijuana.

[anewenhouse]

Yes Carissa and Amanda agree with this topic becuase he shouldnt be penalized over something that other celebrities didnt get in as much trouble for. example: Josh Howard played basketball and he was caught using drugs and was barely charged along with Santonio Holmes who smoked weed before the superbowl. The idea that we are challenging is how can you prove that he used marijuana to relieve stress. Also how can you argue that he is still a child. The grammar that you use is not always in the right tense. Your opening paragraph is more like a body paragraph instead of introducing each argument. Instead of using all the celebrities name just narrow it down to 2 or 3 that were most important. The body has two strong points, but the argument you have about him being a child isnt fully developed. Your second point isnt written logically and should be re-evaluated. Zack Hoffman seems strongly opinioned but should consider the other debates on why he should be sanctioned. For the conclusion dont state that it is the conclusion. Also, for the conclusion it helps the audience remember what your opinions are on this topic.Try to break up the idea presented so that its easier to seperate them.

[mlippolis]

I agree with your topic that Michael Phelps shouldn't get suspended and released from his sponsorships for good reason. Everyone needs a way to release stress and I guess Phelps turned to marijana. Even though Phelps is a celebrity and everything I think that it is more of an issue because he is an athlete and drugs and sports don't mix well with the media. Your introduction paragraph seems more like a body paragraph. Some of your body paragraphs carry the same ideas into each other. There was little grammar problems, and good argument.