Mike Lippolis' rough draft

[mlippolis]

Mike Lippolis
English II
3-2-09
Period 10

Now a days a new generation of people are growing up. That generation is us kids. Some of us are now starting to drive and feeling the effects of economy that are parents go through. For example, the economy is going through a rough patch right now and oil prices are low but back in the summer the price of gas at the pump was three dollars peaking at four dollars in some parts of NJ. Those were just prices of NJ stations were as in some other states that can go much higher. I think that the US should stop being so oil dependant on other foreign countries and use more natural energy sources.

The first reason why we should stop being dependant on oil is over half the oil we use is (58%) imported and our dependence will increase as we use up domestic resources. During this economic slow down oil is around thirty to forty dollars a barrel but eventually during when the weather is nice again price per barrel will go straight back up. In addition to OPEC is cutting production will make the prices go up but not as bad during the summer.

The second reason why we should stop being dependant on oil is that it will eventually be gone. Oil is one huge non-renewable resource, as to where natural resources are free to obtain and can be used over and over again. The use of more natural and renewable energy sources is needed to take the burden off of our current dependency on fossil fuels. Oil will not be around forever so we must have some other form of energy to fall back on.

The third and final reason we should stop being dependant on oil is we fund foreign countries for oil while we could be benefiting our own country then spending money in other places. We could be funding devices that could be supporting our country to obtain free energy. When we obtain the energy, then we can put it to use benefiting our country. By converting to use natural resources we would save huge amounts of money that can also be put into other things our country needs.

In conclusion, I want to prove that the US should stop being oil dependant on foreign suppliers, and use more natural resources. We import vast amounts of oil and our dependence on it will increase as we use more domestic resources. The money we use to pay for and import oil we could be benefiting the country by building up and obtaining natural energy sources. Oil is a non-renewable resource and will soon be gone forever. The country has to make the decision to help and make life better for everyone.

[anewenhouse]

Mike-
I agree with your topic and I also like how you are already getting concerned about the future years to come. some questions I have in mind are, maybe there are other oil resources that no one has found yet and people should look into more. I like how you open up with kids feeling the effects that their parents are going through with the terrible economy. You have 3 strong points but in the beginning of each of your body paragraphs dont write "the first reason" or "second" or "third". The arguments are logical becuase it could be a real issue that not many people have thought about, including myself. You seem well interested in your topic, and the audience will definatley be more aware that we could be coming to a problem. I also think that the audience will remember your topic and it may be something they will think about in the furture.

[carissa928]

I agree with your topic, and feel that we definitely need to come up with other resorces for oil. The cost and the eventual depletion are both very good points. I think it would be a good idea to mention some of the other natural resources that we could look into to replace oil. I feel the opening does grab our attention as it relates to our generation and those to come. The body has 3 solid reasons and they are arranged logically. You seem involved in your topic as you relate it to kids our age driving and how it will affect you and your peers. The conclusion is good and reiterates what has been previously written. My only criticism is to check your grammar such as us kids.

[zhoffman]

I agree with your topic, and the United States has to find a new source for oil. Oil is a non-renewable source and we need to find a renewable source to keep our cars, other gas dependent vehicles, and products running. You have strong points and good facts why we should not rely on oil. For example you say that in the winter time oil is thiry to forty dollars a barrel, but then in the summer the price of oil fly's up more. You also say that 58% of oil we use is imported which is a good strong fact. I am going to challenge that you keep bringing up that we need to find a renewable resource instead of oil. You should look up ideas on how the United States are trying to fix that problem an dout that in your essay. That could be a good point in your essay. Your introduction is good and it proves that we can not rely on oil. Your body paragraphs are stong, but i would like to see more facts in there. Your conclusion is good, but I would out in ideas of natural resources we can use. Your essay is good and it grabs the readers attention that our country shouldn't be relying on non-renwable resources.