Amanda Newenhouse-driving age

[anewenhouse]

Amanda Newenhouse
English 2
Period 10
March 1, 2009
Driving Age
The New Jersey legislature feels that raising the driving age to eighteen will save many people. Not only the young drivers but it would help out everyone else on the road. With the lack of responsibility that many teenagers carry, they are more than likely to make frequent and careless mistakes while driving. It has been proven that eighteen year olds are more mature then seventeen year olds and are less nervous while driving. Even though this may not be the case for all drivers, New Jersey legislatures are trying to make driving more safe and less fearful for some.
New Jersey has been trying to pass this law for years and it still has not followed through. There are many cases on why it is a good idea to raise the driving age, and reasons why it is not. I feel that it is completely unnecessary to raise it. Even though at the age seventeen many teens are not fully matured, they still learn to take the responsibility with their parents around for help. If the driving age was raised to eighteen, many teens would not get their license until going into college and before they know it they need to learn how to do everything by themselves.
Most parents are against raising it because they are the ones that would have to drive their children around. After seventeen years of driving your children everywhere, I think it is time to give the parents a break and take time to themselves. Also, it has been proven that if New Jersey were to raise the driving age, many teens would be more careless of their actions and less dependable. I think raising the driving age would be pointless and if there was that big of a problem then the law would have been past years ago.

[mlippolis]

Yes Mike and Zack agree with your topic, because the driving age should stay at seventeen. It teaches kids responsiblity. Your introduction was good but lacked emotion. Your opinions are strong, but there is not a lot of information on driving laws. Why do you feel that raising the driving age is unnecessary? The essay was good but there was not much of a conclusion supporting the introduction and body. You didn't explain each topic throughly but all three topics were presented. This essay was well written, but not meeting the standards of the essay makes it weaker. If there was more information pertained in the body paragraphs and had a conclusion paragraph he essay would be a lot better.

[carissa928]

I agree with your topic especially the fact that at 18 people have enough new responsibilitiest o take on. I do feel that you need to give more concrete reasons. One thing I thought of is you say its a proven fact that 18 year olds are less nervous, could this be because they've already driven for a year? The opening paragraph was good and caught my attention. As I mentioned earlier I think you need to put more supporting facts. The conclusion needs the same. You do seem emotionally involved in the topic , but I think that may be the problem. It sounds more like emotion than facts.