Being Provoked #3

[lanzano61]

Anthony Lanzano
English 2
Period 2
9/14/08

Being Provoked


Violence within this country has been an ongoing problem throughout history. Due to all the recent violent events in school history, such as Columbine, it is of popular belief that violence in school systems is the worst it has ever been. There are many questions about what type of violence occurs most often, what gender, violence is most affecting in schools. Being provoked in school is a major problem in today’s society which must be stopped.

Violence in school is a big problem today. Many kids are being picked on, and fighting because of being provoked. The definition of provoked is to stir up purposely (start a fight). Kids these days purposely say things mean, to start a fight with other kids. The best thing to do in this situation is to just walk away.

Some kids just have a very short fuse. If they are provoked to a certain point, their not going to take it anymore. For example, in Nineteen Minutes Peter was teased every day by the more popular kids. He didn’t no what he was going to do to stop them. Until one day he had enough, and he came into school and killed nine students, and a teacher. Peter was tired of getting picked on, and that was his only way for those kids to stop. Another day peter was getting picked on these kids, Josie and Derek didn’t stick up for Peter when they popular kids were bullying him. They just sat there and didn’t do anything.

Bullying even goes on in our school today. One day my friend was getting picked on by this much bigger kid then him. A bunch of his friends were just sitting there watching, not doing a thing to help. I didn’t like what they were saying to him. So my I went up to the kid and stuck up for my friend. I just told him it was wrong for what he was saying. The kid stopped picking on my friend, and now they’re really good friends. If kids would stick up for other kids when they see this kind of stuff go on, bullying wouldn’t happen so much. Kids shouldn’t be afraid to stick up for their friends.

Bullying is wrong no matter what. If we could stop bullying we wouldn’t have to worry about who’s being provoked, or who hit who first. Bullying is wrong, and if we could stop it, it would make kids lives a lot easier. There wouldn’t be school shootings, or fights after school, or kids getting shoved into lockers. But stopping bullies is hard to do. There is always going to be someone in life picking on you, when they do that the best thing to do is just walking away.

Stopping bullying, and peer pressuring would make the lives of kids, and teenagers a lot better. Kids wouldn't have to wake up every morning, and worry about if there going to get picked on.

[brimccaffrey]

hey anthony =]
Your essay is pretty good. I just have a few suggestions.
In your first paragraph the sentence that says... "There are many questions about what type of violence occurs most often, what gender, violence is most affecting in schools." ... does not seem to be worded right. I understand what you are saying but i think you should word it differently. Maybe you should say There are many questions on whether gender has anything to do with what type of violence that occurs frequently. Violence is something that really affects schools.
In the next paragraph you could explain a little more about how to stop being provoked and stop violence among peers in school. The paragraph where you were talking about you sticking up for your friend being picked on needs some work. You have some grammatical errors and you might want to try and use some different words. You repeated a good amount of the words in that paragraph. Also, your last paragraph needs to be longer. There are too many commas and you just need to explain a little bit more about what you essay said and put your input on the topic in the last paragraph too.

[meaghangarrigal]

hey,
So I thought your essay was good, I liked the comparisons between all the schools where violence is affecting them. You had some really good points but it seemed like you kept repeating yourself. I thought it was good how you said how you stopped a bully from picking on your friend but the story was just a little too vague. You didn't give enough information with it. I also don't think you made enough comparisons to nineteen minutes. Besides a couple grammar errors your paper was pretty good. But next time just make sure your make your closing paragraph a little longer.

[macstudy56]

The essay was ok. I think you could have gone into a little more detail. The comparisons were pretty good but they could have been better.