Josh Smith's Persuasive essay

[J۝sЧŠMiŦĦ]

Have you ever wanted to go somewhere but your parents didn’t feel like taking you? Have you ever wanted to drive? I’m presenting this speech before you today to convince you that the driving age should be lowered. When some of you grow up and become politicians you can try and change the driving age to 16. Driving at an early age helps you learn responsibility and you can get to your job easier than having a parent bring you.

It is a pain in your parents/guardian’s butt if they have to take you every where that you want to go. If the age that you got your license was lowered to 16 then all your problems will be solved. If you live in WLB and your parents don’t work or they don’t have to get up early, they don’t want to get up and drive you to school every day.

Starting to drive at a younger age, teens can learn responsibility. We need to learn responsibility if we are to be successful in life. Your parents will make you more responsible than ever before. They can ask you for rides, how about that.

If you have a job you know what I’m talking about when I say that I don’t want to walk to work or ride a bus. If your parents drive you to work than that’s good but most parents work and can’t bring you. So if the driving age was lowered to 16 than everybody lives would be a whole heck of a lot easier. Lower the driving age!

[kristenkuhlthau]

Josh,

Your opening paragraph needs a better attention grabber. Starting with a question is a good idea, but you should emphasize on it more. Your ideas are good, but I think you need to extend on them more. You definitely have to make your speech longer if you want to convince people to lower the driving age. I like how you put an example about having to walk to work because your parents cannot do it. If you extend your paragraphs and add more detail, your speech will be much better. Make your conclusion paragraph leave the audience thinking about your reasons. Your conclusion is a cliff-hanger and you should make it end the readers thinking ability. Good job.

-Kristen

[alvine]

josh,

i agree with kristen. your intro paragraph needs that extra "omph". something to catch your attention and keep it through out the speech. You have some good ideas, but i definetly think you could extend on them. your points of intrest were interesting, but i did not agree with them. there are many other ways to get around that are more earth friendly, and don't bother your parents. you could take the train, get a ride with your friends, take a cab, bike/skateboard there, or take a bus. if you lower the driving age, there will be more accidents due to immaturity and drinking. i think if you added on to your paragraphs thou, it would be a very good speech.

allie

[jrdemelo]

dont you think driving too early is dangerous? i think you need to give more reasons and convince your audiance that driving in a younger age is better. i also think your opening paragraph needs a little help. you need to grab your audiance so their attention is all on you.