speech

[Timmy Bernardino]

Persuasive Essay

Many people believe that random drug tests are an amazing thing. But I am here to prove otherwise. I intend to get rid of the random drug testing trials at shore regional high school. My reasons for doing this are that random drug tests are an invasion of privacy, they are costly, and they ineffective.
My biggest and main reason for trying to get rid of random drug testing is that they are an invasion of privacy. If a kid wanted to throw away his life than let him go ahead and do it. Now I’m not trying to get rid of the power that teachers are allowed to appoint a note to get a certain kid drug tested. I am simply trying to get rid of the random picking because it is an invasion of privacy. The proof of my point is even the Declaration of Independence of the United States of America. The amendments were all basically created to give you rights and freedoms.
Secondly, In my experience at shore regional the random drug tests are Ineffective. The reason why I say this is that I have heard hundreds of stories of kids urinating in bottles for the kid that is going to get tested. I have also heard stories of kids being able to pass it by just drinking a lot of water and being able to clean out there body. And I’m sure this hasn’t only been going on for two years while I have been at shore, it has been going on for years now. And if kids are just doing these things to get by the test why even bother administering it. Shore Regional could probably use the money somewhere else which brings me to my next point.
Lastly, my final point is very simple. Money. In today’s economy we can’t afford to be wasting money on useless things such as random drug tests when kids are just going to get around them. In fact, it costs $18 for a negative result and $43 for a positive result to be administered! That is a lot of money. On average it will add up to be anywhere from $1500 to $3000 a school year to give out ineffective drug tests.
In all I really think we should stand up together and make the right choice to get rid of random drug tests at shore. I encourage you to consider my points and arguments and make the right decision.

[kgillette]

Hey timmy,
You are really repetitive between your opening sentence and first paragraph. Instead of talking about invasion of privacy in the opening, why don't you say something different. You also talk like your going to do something, what would you do to stop randomized drug testing. You also talk about beating the system, you should give more examples of how the kids beat it.

[vdescenza]

hey timmy,
The topic of you speech is a very good topic. The points you used were very strong. The point were you tie in money is very effective becasue of the times we are in econmically right now. It emotionally draws in the reader becasue they are going through the economic downfall.

When you bring up the ammendments you should be more specific. Give example and explain the ammendments you are refering to.

I think that your conclusin could use more power and be a little longer. You could bring up your points again to make it longer and to refresh teh readers mind on your points so it also helps them remember your reasonings.

Good luck with the rest of your writing.
Tori

[mattyments]

HI.
Your introductory paragraph was very persuasive. It Immediately grasped my attention. I also believe it is an invasion of privacy and should not be done. In your second paragraph you should elaborate and give examples of invasion of privacy to get your point across more.
In your last paragraph, having the facts about the money it very good and persuasive. Good job Timothy Bernardino, swell essay.